Author: Sage Therapy Center

Many people have come to believe that when a marriage requires therapy, then it is on its deathbed and it cannot be put back on track. Unfortunately, TV and movies have propagated this myth, where all the couples in therapy seem to end up in divorce. The fact of the matter is that many marriages have been saved by couple's therapy.

Many excellent therapists have helped couples to get their relationship back on track. Stories abound of couples who have sought therapy when the divorce papers were in the works, and the therapy has helped to restore their marriages.

Objectivity

One of the benefits of couple's therapy is that the couple learns how to be objective and stops blaming the other party. A good therapist is able to change the views of the couples who are able to stop blaming each other. This is the first step in creating an atmosphere where work on the marriage can begin.

When couples start going to a therapist, each party goes in feeling that their spouse is to blame for the marital problems. They do not see their part in the problems and this clouds their judgment. The couple has to learn how to identify their role in the rift, so that they can start to rebuild the marriage.

Behavior modification

Couples therapy attempts to change how couples treat each other. This behavior towards the other party leads to resentment and is the cause of many problems in marriage. The therapist helps the couple to treat each differently and to stop engaging in behavior that causes harm.

A good therapists is able to assess the situation to find out the extent of the harm, whether it is physical or psychological. If the behavior of one partner is causing serious harm to the spouse, the therapist can recommend that the abused party take measures that will ensure their safety.

Dealing with emotions

Most couples going through problems use emotional avoidance to keep their feelings to themselves. They keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves to avoid appearing vulnerable. This causes walls to come up and the couple grows apart. There are many marriages where the couple has built such high walls that they do not even know their partners any more. A good therapist will help to dismantle the walls so that the couple can let each other in. This can help to bring back closeness in the relationship.

Enhanced communication

A marriage cannot survive without communication. Every therapy session focuses on enhancing communication because without effective communication the marriage is dead. Remember, lack of effective communication leads to misunderstanding, suspicion, loss of intimacy, and even abuse. When people fail to communicate, the other party is left to speculate about their thoughts and intentions.

When people 'talk at' each other instead of 'talking to' each other, resentment grows and there is lack of respect. This causes problems in the marriage. A therapist can teach the couple how to communicate without causing resentment. They are given steps that help them to improve their communication in order to avoid conflict so seek help today, don't let love fail when it's not meant to be so!

Most parents would agree that teenagers are generally very hard to understand. They are at a point in their lives where they are in between being a happy, carefree child and a serious, responsible adult. It is normal for them to act a little differently at this phase and as such, it is hard to be able to tell what is normal behavior for them and what should have you worried.

It is advisable to take your teenager for therapy, even when they are not really exhibiting any worrying behaviors as being able to talk to a person that understands how they think and feel will help them in making their transition to adulthood much smoother. However, this is optional and chances are your child will still do well without it.

There are some signs however that should signal to you that your child absolutely needs professional help, do not avoid them.

1. Worrying behavior

It is somewhat difficult for most parents to tell which behavioral signals are real problems; you should be very keen about some basics.

If your teenager suddenly have a change in their appetite for instance, either they stop eating and keep saying they are not hungry, or you suspect that they force themselves to vomit what they have eaten, you need to take that child to a therapist.

Frequent complaints of stomachache/ headache, withdrawal from friends and other fun activities as well as irregular sleeping habits should also indicate to you that your child is having a hard time coping with the changes around them. Get a good therapist who they can talk to about their problems.

2. Distress

If you notice signs of distress in your child, maybe they are particularly emotional and appear to be going through a hard time, you should take them to a therapist.

3. Substance abuse

If you find signs that your child is abusing any form of substance, including alcohol, get them professional help. There are many ways to find this out. If you find any of the paraphernalia used while abusing drugs such as needles, pipes or even if you notice bloodshot eyes and a funny smell, take your child to see a therapist.

They might probably not be able to tell you about their drug use, but they should be able to confide in a therapist.

4. Reckless behavior

While most teenagers will make foolish decisions at one point or the other, you should not ignore some things. If your teenager ever runs away from home without any prompting, or you hear them talk about suicide, even though it is in a joking manner, do not ignore this. Get your child some professional help as soon as possible to help them cope with what they are feeling.

5. If they ask you for help

This might not happen as frequently but if you have a good relationship with your child they might ask you for help when they feel unable to cope with some things. If your teenager turns to you for help and you do not know what to do, take them to a good therapist who is trained on handling such matters.

Many people have a real problem communicating with others and they will go to great lengths to keep their thoughts to themselves, even when it is more beneficial to talk to someone. The society today glorifies individuality and self-achievement and showing any sign of weakness is viewed negatively.

Many people will struggle to deal with issues themselves, even when they know that it would be much easier to talk to someone or ask for help. Learning to communicate can help people to overcome many of the problems they are facing.

What does communication entail?

Communication is basically about expressing your thoughts, feelings, wants and opinions with others. Effective communication will require at least two people and it entails both talking and listening. A good communicator has to be a good listener. One of the marks of a good therapist is the ability to listen and understand what the patient is communicating.

It is easier to talk than to listen and it takes skill to be a good listener.  For the communication to be effective, the listener has to be able to accurately interpret and understand what the other person is saying.

Problems in communication

Effective communication is often hampered by several factors, and depending on the issue, it can take several attempts to get the message across. Sometimes, the speaker can make the communication process difficult by speaking in a low tone. Other problems include avoiding the real issue by including too many details or trying to skirt around the main message.

Using body language or non-verbal cues that contradict the verbal message, or paying too much attention to try to figure out the listener's reaction are both issues in communication too. Most people who find it difficult to communicate are constantly worried about being judged and this causes them to say what they think the listener wants to hear, instead of what they really think.

How to be a good listener

For communication to be successful, there has to be effective listening. Many people think that they need to offer advice or opinions when sometimes all that is required is listening. A good therapist learns the value of silence and how listening can help a patient to open up and reveal everything that is on their mind. To be a good listener you must be interested in what the other person is saying.

You must avoid being preoccupied with other thoughts or trying to formulate a rebuttal while the person is talking. Do not let your opinions stop you from listening to what the other person has to say. It is also important to be an active listener and this means making an effort to understand what the person is saying. This requires feedback and trying to verify or get clarity on the details before responding.

Good communication is necessary for the survival of any type or relationship. Whether it is a friendship, marriage, business or work relationship, the parties have to be able to communicate if they hope to work together. Many relationships have broken down simply because the parties had difficulty communicating. Remember, a small issue can grow out of proportion due to lack of communication!

Undeniably, suicide is a topic that many people do not want to talk about. It is very sad considering the fact that the rate of suicide has gone up especially among teenagers. Hardly a week goes by before you hear about a suicide or attempted suicide case. Many people who have committed suicide did not really want to die. They were hurting and did not know how to deal with the situation. They wanted to stop the pain and unfortunately, they chose suicide as the answer.

It is important to understand suicide in order to prevent it. Every time there has been a suicide, those closest to the victim have to deal with grief that is guilt-laden because in many cases, they had all the warning signs. Most people will not admit it but they rarely get surprised when a suicide occurs. In most cases, they are shocked and saddened but not surprised. You can prevent a suicide from occurring if you recognized the signs and took them seriously.

Preventing suicide

If you suspect that someone you know is contemplating suicide, you should talk openly about it. Do not shy away from the topic or feel like you are intruding. Talking openly about the suicidal feelings and thoughts can help to save the person's life. A suicidal person is usually looking for someone to talk to and feels like no one cares about his or her feelings. They are desperate for a way to end their suffering, and they suffer from feelings of isolation and self-loathing.

Suicidal individuals cannot see any other way out of their situation and it is important to be able to offer them an alternative. By talking to the person, you can show them that there are other ways to deal with the situation they are going through. It is important to note that suicidal people are usually conflicted about the decision to end their life and they will cling to an alternative if someone can show them one. By getting the individual to a therapist or psychologist, you can help to save their life.

Spotting the warning signs

Suicidal individuals will often give off many warning signs. They make their intentions clear in the hope that someone will stop them and offer alternative solutions. Some of the most common warning signs are talking about suicide, talking constantly about death or dying, writing about killing oneself, and reading or fascination with topics on death. Other signs include obtaining items that can be used in the suicide, such as guns or other weapons and drugs.

Other warning signs to look out for include mental disorders such as depression, mood changes, and drug and alcohol dependence. People with a history of previous suicide attempts are also more likely to try again. Those with a family history of suicide, or who have someone very close to them commit suicide, are more prone to committing suicide.

Other dangerous signs to look out for include feelings of hopelessness and sudden personality changes. If a teenager who was well behaved suddenly becomes rebellious, this is something to be wary about. The same is true if those who were happy and outgoing suddenly becoming withdrawn. The sooner you get the individuals into therapy, the better.

Many people who have gone through traumatic situations can exhibit lifelong problems that can affect their lives. There are many forms of trauma, caused by issues like abuse, sickness, loss of a loved one and many more. People deal with trauma in many different ways, while there are some who have found positive ways to cope and even recover; others turn to destructive habits like drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders and other psychiatric issues.

Several trauma recovery programs are designed to help people with post-traumatic stress disorders and other conditions. While some people might get better after going through a treatment program for different addictions, others relapse especially if the underlying issues are not dealt with. Unresolved trauma can continue for a long time and issues that occurred in childhood can affect a person in their adult life.

1. Types of trauma

There are different types of trauma and they stem from either a physical or a psychological event. Identifying the type of trauma a patient is suffering from is key in the recovery process. The therapist needs to establish the root cause so that they can create a program that will help the patient. Trauma can occur after an intense event, and this one-time occurrence can affect an individual to an extent that they cannot cope with simple life issues. The single events that lead to trauma include accidents, rape, robbery, natural disasters and other disturbing events. The victims find it hard to cope after the events.

Another category of trauma affects those who have gone through repetitive or ongoing events. In this case, the patient may have gone through trauma for a long period. Sexual abuse, especially when it involves a family member, is one of the most common causes of this type of trauma. The trauma can also be due to physical abuse, neglect or abandonment, prolonged illness, kidnapping or captivity, and other forms of long-term violence.

2. Coping strategies

People who have gone through traumatic situations are unable to deal with the stress and they require treatment to help them deal with the situation. Therapists teach patients coping techniques or strategies that help them to deal with the stress. The victims mind is unable to get over the trauma even though it happened many years ago. They are unable to function normally because in their mind, the event is still current and they are unable to get past it.

Professional treatment is vital for those who may have gone through repeated abuse and are still going through trauma. The mind affects the rest of the body and having unresolved memories can be disabling. Trying to deal with life's issues becomes impossible because everything is linked to the trauma. This is the reason why many people who have been abused turn to substance abuse and other addictions.

3. Recovery

Trauma recovery programs can be very successful especially if the patient is committed to the treatment. Many people put off getting professional help because they think that they can deal with the problem themselves. Unfortunately, this has led to many people leading a miserable life, as they turn from one destructive habit to another in a futile attempt to dull the pain.

Behavior therapy is based on the premise that a person's thoughts, and not their environment or circumstances, causes their behavior and feelings. You may not be able to change your environment, but you can change how you feel about it. This explains why two people who have gone through very similar circumstances can have very different results. The mind is very powerful and it is where all the battles occur. If you can change your mind, you can change your behavior and your thoughts.

Most people blame their circumstances for everything they are going through. They do not take responsibility for letting the circumstances affect them and this is what causes the problem. People turn to drugs and alcohol to try to deal with issues affecting them.

They may see this as a way to dull the pain, or as an escape mechanism. Unfortunately, this never works and it leads to the addictions. While physical dependence to drugs and alcohol can be treated through detox, medication and other programs, failure to treat the mind will inevitably lead to a relapse.

• Training the mind

It is important to train the mind to recover from the addiction and this requires cognitive behavioral therapy. The addict can get temporary help from treating the physical symptoms, but for full recovery to take place, the addict has to be able to avoid situations that lead to the behavior.

The patient learns how to recognize the situations that lead to the behavior, and is able to avoid the situations. Only through renewing the mind can the patient get relief. The circumstances may still be present but by learning how to think differently, they are able to cope without turning to the substances.

• Dealing with problems

Many people who become addicted to substances are unable to deal with any kind of problem. In many cases, this stems from their upbringing and they do not know how to deal with problems. A child who has grown up in a home where alcohol was always the result of every argument will see this as the only way to deal with problems.

Those who are exposed to drugs at an early age will start using the drugs because they associate them with normal life. They do not know any other way to deal with problems. The addicts have to learn a new way to deal with issues, in order to replace the system that they know.

• Benefits of counseling

People who are addicted to substances benefit from therapy or counseling because they are able to learn how to change their behavior patterns. In many cases, this is the first time that the individual is learning that they can do things differently. They learn new skills that are necessary in helping them to break the habits.

While some programs have both group therapy and individual therapy, there are people who do better in individual therapy where they get undivided attention from the therapist. There are several techniques used in therapy sessions and they are designed to help the addict and motivate him to recover fast.

Addiction to a substance is something that is very difficult to deal with. Many people who are addicted to various substances find it difficult to break the habit without professional help. Most people who are in therapy today are dealing with different addictions. Recovery is a complicated process and it is important to ensure that the individual has fully recovered both physically and psychologically. The physical part is usually easier to conquer than the psychological aspect.

1. In-patient Therapy

Addiction therapy is an essential part of the treatment process. Depending on the severity of the problem, residential therapy is very important for recovery. This form of therapy is beneficial because the individual can get individualized attention and monitoring during the treatment. Several programs offer therapeutic treatments such as individual counseling, spiritual care, physical therapy, coping and relaxation techniques and many more. Choosing the right program is a very important part of the healing process.

Through therapy, people learn how to remove the temptations that encourage the addiction, through the decisions they make every day. Therapists use different methods depending on the addiction and the individual. They find the best ways to treat each patient and they are able to monitor the results on a day-to-day basis.

2. Outpatient Therapy

Those who have addictions that are not so advanced, fare very well with outpatient therapy. This therapy is also useful for those who have gone through inpatient treatment and require additional care. The counseling techniques used are useful in ensuring that the patient remains in recovery and does not relapse. This therapy also helps people to cope with the world in their new state and they are able to reintegrate back into their daily lives.

3. Benefits of Therapy

Therapy has long-term benefits for people with addictions. While the duration for the treatment may differ, and the investment might seem high, it is worth the cost. It is time and energy well spent and it can help to restore one's life. Reversing the effects of a long-term habit may take some time but it is time that is well spent. It requires commitment but the benefits are well worth it. Some of these benefits include restored relationships, regained employment, clarity of mind, improved physical health, the ability to pursue goals, feelings of happiness, financial restoration and many more.

4. Finding Treatment

To ensure that you get all the positive benefits of therapy, it is important to look for a therapist who is well trained and experienced in dealing with the type of addiction that you have. Therapy programs differ and some are better than others are. If you want to get into an in-patient program, you need to get references to find the best programs.

You need to find places that offer customized treatment plans, where you will be treated like the unique individual that you are. The therapist you choose will determine how fast you can get better. A good therapist will look for the best way to deal with your situation according to your needs. Care and respect are very important qualities of a therapist and they help to enhance the treatment program.

Many people are addicted to something in their lives and it can be a substance or an activity. Addictions can be very dangerous and yet many people continue to court the very things that cause addictions. Researchers have for a long time tried to come up with answers for the causes of addictions. It is clear that there are different causes and there is no simple answer. No one knows if he or she can become an addict, until he or she actually becomes one.

One does not need to be an expert to know that if people avoided the substances or activities, then they would not get addicted. The dilemma comes in when it becomes clear that some people can do the very same things and yet they do not become addicted. This begs the question, are there people who are more prone to becoming addicts. Two people can have the exact same lifestyle but exhibit completely different results. While one can get up and move on to have a successful life, the other one begins a destructive downhill spiral.

Causes of addiction

People do not wake up after one night of heavy partying to discover that they are addicted. It is usually a slow progression that begins with that first act. Someone who decides to try out a certain drug may be trying to seek some sort of short time benefit. It may either be a form of experiment, or a way to seek some form of relief. That one act will usually have an effect and it is this effect on the mind and body that will lead the person to try out the drug for a second time.

People do not set out to become addicted. In fact, most addicts will admit that they did not think it could happen to them. It usually begins with someone thinking that they are in control, and as the habit continues, they slowly begin to lose that control. The addictive substances or activities change people's behavior and they feel more relaxed, powerful or exited. It is this false escape that causes people to go back again and again. People do not associate danger with something that feels good and this is where the problem lies.

Seeking acceptance

Many people who become addicted start out looking for approval. If the substance helps them to achieve some sort of social acceptance, then they keep going back to it. Peoples need to fit in and 'belong', causes them to change their behavior in order to be 'like the rest'.

This is a sign of low self-esteem because the individual believes that they are not likeable when they are themselves. Whatever motives people have for starting the habit, the more they do it, the worse the need becomes, and it soon gets to a point where the brain cannot function without it.

Who is susceptible to addiction?

There are many theories as to who is most likely to become an addict. Some people believe that there is a genetic pre-disposition. This theory can be supported by the cases where addictions seem to run in families. Other causes include social and cultural factors, poverty and unemployment, lack of education, trauma and other psychological and emotional problems.

Playing a professional sport is a very different career path from most others. First, there is intense pressure constantly piled up on you to perform. A couple of wrong moves and you are out. You are hard driven to always give results and you know if you fail to deliver, you will quickly be replaced.

Fortunately, if you were anything like most professional sports players, you had a professional on the ready to help you get through the rigors of the career.  It might have been your coach, or you might have had your own psychiatrist. Either way, you had help handling the crazy pressure and were still able to lead a productive life.

What takes place afterwards

Statistics have shown that many professional players usually have a very difficult time transitioning from their illustrious sports careers to normal life when they retire. This is made worse by the fact that they are no longer exposed to the strong support system that they had while they were still in the game.

Considering that most pro sports players retire at a very young age, it is important to have this addressed to ensure that they can live out the rest of their lives happily. Adjusting from being actively involved in a professional sport to the normalcy of average life is difficult. There are common problems that most retired players have to handle. Having a professional therapist who knows how to handle these issues is therefore very needful at such a time.

Problems you are likely to face

First, you had probably gotten used to having most of your decisions made for you. What a pro player eats, what he does with his time, his coach usually dictates even where he lives .You might feel quite shaky being left to make all your decisions for yourself at a go. Your therapist will help you find your feet and become confident in your decision-making ability.

You also probably did not have that much time to socialize so all your friends are within the sports circle. Once you get out of it, it is so hard to make other friends. If you did have friends outside the sports circles, chances are you will be retiring when they are just getting started on their careers, settling down and having children. A good therapist will help you adjust to these realities and help you in going out and making more friends.

Another major problem you might face is low self-esteem. You probably found your identity and sense of worth in being a good pro player who was well known and good at what you do. After you retire, all this is taken away and it is quite difficult to love yourself beyond the game. Your therapist will know you are going through this and will show you how to get past it.

Retiring is hard for most people, but it is even more so for the professional sports player. Get help from a good therapist though and you will be able to live out the rest of your life meaningfully.

Waking up exhausted after spending the entire night tossing and turning represents a tragic reality most people these days have grown accustomed to. Even though more and more studies point out the health risk associated with not sleeping at least 7 hours every night, the vast majority of people believe they can actually catch up with their rest during the notorious weekend siestas.

However, the same research highlights the fact that the "debt to sleep" cannot just be paid off so easily. While it is true that unfortunate events and realities can keep a person up all night, it is also accurate to affirm that a large percentage of the cases involving individuals with problems falling asleep are related to unhealthy habits. Here are the most common causes that prevent you from going to bed as planned and the solutions that can help you fix the problem.

The untold story of caffeine

Most people make a habit out of having a big cup of coffee in the morning in order to wake up. In addition, whenever they experience daytime sleepiness, they always appeal to their trusted mug of coffee nearby to bail them out. However, the body's ability to process the caffeine and eliminate it is directly dependent on the amount you have each day. In other words, drinking coffee throughout the entire day makes it very probable that you will still have it in your system when it is time to go to sleep.

Drinking alcohol to fall asleep

Another common practice of people today is to have a beer or a glass of wine before bed, as they consider the mild alcoholic beverages as relaxing and hence, useful for helping them fall asleep. While you may feel that beer or wine relaxes you, the truth is that they are stimulants that act as brain arousals. Moreover, medical research clearly points out the fact that the effects of alcohol manifest differently throughout the day, with a peak of 2 or 3 times greater during nighttime. Also, let's not forget that long-term alcohol consumption represents one of the causes of chronic insomnia.

Smoking

Similarly to alcohol, while smoking is generally viewed as a very relaxing activity before going to bed, the cigarettes, pipes and cigars are also stimulants. Furthermore, the nicotine typically present in tobacco products brings forward another set of problems. Essentially, all passionate smokers experience the nicotine withdrawal symptoms during sleep.

Thinking too much about sleep

It happens to everyone:  each time people need to wake up early in the morning, they make a promise to go to sleep earlier that night; however, once they put their head on the pillow, they realize they cannot sleep and usually end up unsuccessfully trying all night long. On a side note, an alarming thing about worrying too much about sleeping and constantly checking out the clock during the night resides in the fact that it can be lethal (heart attacks are five times more prone to happen during mornings). In case this happens to you on a regular basis, then it is likely you are suffering from psycho-physiologic insomnia and you need to have a talk with a therapist.